Mumbai, the city of dreams, was home for my uncle who had settled in the city since early 1990s. We visited the city only few times in a decade for important events like naming ceremony of my cousin, and his housewarming ceremony.
My uncle had a love marriage the first time with a Marathi girl, initially not accepted well by my grandparents due to differences in language, age (my aunt was elder). Our family never felt too welcome at their place, in hindsight it might have been just different ways of dealing with guests which might also have been the same way she dealt with her family. Hence our visits were always only a couple of days, marking attendance and leaving as quickly as possible
Mumbai was also my first flight experience at the age of 7-8, leaving aside ones as an infant. I had come to my uncle’s place with my grandparents. The only significant memory on that flight was me pestering my grandmom and airhostess to let me get up from my seat to pee, despite repeated requests to stay put due to turbulence and landing. I somehow managed to control it till the end! Apart from this experience, I was a good kid staying independently with my grandmom or cousins without my parents quite often
The second big stay at Mumbai came when my dad got transferred. We were so disappointed as I had got into a college in Surathkal and this meant I couldn’t go home during weekends. My dad graciously offered to go alone, while my mom stayed at our hometown, but we decided against it since I would be in a hostel for majority of the time during weekdays anyway. I used to cry almost every weekend as I missed home too badly, but learnt to overcome that after about 2 years, almost by the time they returned back
We had a nice home offered at the bank quarters, something we wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise. On the 14th floor of a skyscraper (at that time) in Ghatkopar with windy mornings and sunny days, the location was perfect. My mom learnt the Mumbai speed of life from other women who stayed in the building, wives of my dad’s colleagues. The local trains, Dadar market, vada pav, visits to Ashtavinayak temples, Titwala, were all part of our experience at that time
I took Matsyagandha express trains to travel during vacations. I always travelled in sleeper trains, partly due to timings, lower cost, allergy to AC, communal atmosphere. Trains still remain exciting for me, the joy taken away by short flights that cut out the scenary and village life on the way. Adjustment becomes a way of life, teaching you patience and harmony. This train became close to my heart – it feels like home to travel every time. The route is scenic, always a joy to take this route. The backwaters at Sharavati railway bridge Honnavara, Byndoor, Hattikudru make it one of the best train journeys in India
I did an internship during my engineering days at IIT when my parents were in Mumbai. It was more a resume point rather than actual value add through learning. I chose this only to be able to stay in Mumbai during my vacation days at home. There were 100+ interns, so it was like a batch project with a few people doing all the work. I was the only one from my campus without friends, so I was not too involved by others in the actual work. I took public bus to commute, exhausted by the time I returned. Although I did learn much, I took away life skills by navigating a city
The fear of big cities went after living in Mumbai. The maze of local trains started feeling comfortable. The chaos and push felt normal. The dichotomy of switching between three levels of payment for same items felt normal. What would cost 25 bucks for a simple meal in my hometown costed 250 in Mumbai and 2500 in a five star hotel. I learnt to switch my mindset seamlessly to not appear as stingy or lavish depending on the scenario
The third big stay came during internship when I stayed in Mumbai for 2 months during B-School days. I had a pathetic experience thanks to my painful manager. I was almost depressed, waiting for the internship to end, secretly praying that they don’t select me for a long-term job- something I couldn’t have said no to. I stayed in a hostel that was old, had bad food from streets or Maggie, travelled in public bus everyday for hours. The experience was entirely ruined by my manager. I would not have remembered the rest of the pain had the internship gone well. With so much stress, I never ventured out after work or on the weekends. The stipend was also not enough to enjoy life beyond paying for stay, food and transport. I dreaded corporate life and wondered if I am cut out for it
The fourth big stay came when I got placed and my company didn’t have a Bangalore office at that time. I did feel a little bad to go away from home, especially when they came to see me off at the airport. I was kind of excited at the same time to start a new life in a large city, making me forget the pain of not staying with parents for some time. My baggage was full of hopes, dreams, ambitions more than clothes and materials
I took a small place close to my uncle’s apartment in Chembur. The place had good access with freeway making it close to corporate hubs. Chembur had many South Indian temples and communities, making the place feel closer to home. It was a small room that could accommodate a bed, cupboard, chair, along with an attached bathroom. When I first visited the place, I thought it was the place to sit and remove your shoes. I quickly realized that it was the entire place, so that is how small it was! It cost me about 10% of my income, in addition to the education loan payment, so I couldn’t afford anything more. One thing I am proud of is keeping the same place for 12 years, despite my income increasing by almost 5x meantime. I really believed in minimalist living, given I was travelling or in office most of the time, and actual time spent at home was only for sleeping and bathing
I admire the courage my parents had to let me go and find a place on my own. It bolstered my own independence and courage. I never felt afraid to wander around at any time in the night, at a new place. A strong woman can do wonders! I dedicate my courage in life entirely to my mom. I had seen her manage a house independently when my dad was away for years due to work
My landlord lived just next to me. My place was their dining room carved out, to generate additional income when his wife decided to quit work. He used to be a little nosy, asking me to close the gate every time I went or came in. However, all interactions later made me realize that they both were gems of a person. I still cannot forget how they treated me as their own and fed me for 3 months during Covid without expecting anything. They gave me independence, offered me food whenever the landlady cooked something, were always helpful whenever I needed it the most
My office was right next to Marine Drive, with a nice view of the Queen’s necklace. I took public buses and local trains on the days I was staffed on support projects. I made friends with a taxi driver who used to drop me to client site every day for almost 5 years when I was on projects, till Covid started
I didn’t have a good time at work for the first 6-9 months. I was never guided or told clearly what the expectations were. I had long stressful nights being clueless. I almost thought I was unfit for corporate world with 2 back-to-back bad experiences after my internship. Thankfully things took a better turn, and I realized the problem was with my manager again, not me. I survived the next 8 years, but moved roles for 3 years after that when I didn’t find supportive enough people around me
My work involved lot of travel which I inherently enjoyed without complaining, unlike others. The flights, airport walks, comfortable stays and client interactions were all new and enriching. Project based work meant I could change my boss often, a perk that not everyone had in the industry roles. I could gel well with 60-70% of my colleagues who didn’t have an alpha personality. I could never tolerate, indulge or imbibe office politics, gaming and sucking up. The work environment was largely meritocratic, which helped me survive the first 8 years. My professors at B-School were always skeptical about me surviving the consulting world. I proved them wrong for some time before the long term career took a turn, or rather went sideways
My weekends were spent shopping essentials at the railway station market, walking around the church, entertaining the street cats near my apartment. I never felt lonely despite being alone. Mumbai welcomed me into its family. I also did some trips to Kanheri caves, Kaas Plateau, Velas turtle festival during the first few years. I had only one friend from college join with me in Mumbai, as most were in Bangalore or outside India. She too moved to Singapore after 5-6 years, stopping my weekend travels
My uncle had a second marriage, reasons best known to him. His second wife was also like the first one in terms of keeping our family at a distance in general. He moved houses after this, still staying in Chembur where his wife worked. I took a place close to his apartment so that I could have some help if required. His daughter used to like me a lot, so I visited his place every weekend to spend time with her. My aunt graciously made dinner for me without making me feel out of place. After 3-4 years, they decided to buy a home in Thane and shifted there after completion of construction. I decided to stay put since Thane would have been too far from my office. I still visited them every weekend since I did not want them to feel that I gave up visiting them since it became expensive. I did have all the time, so I didn’t mind travelling an hour each way
After some time, the visits became a bit of formality. With both my aunt and uncle working, weekends used to be the only time they got to do shopping for the week. I used to wait for them to return, walking in the complex for hours. My aunt had to make dinner for me even if they were full after eating out. I didn’t feel welcome during this time. I was hesitant to stop coming which might have made them feel bad. Covid came as a blessing in disguise. My visits stopped and I didn’t start them again. They might also have been relieved like me
Covid made me spend entire day at home and probably helped build affection towards it. Lockdowns meant I spent time on walks inside the complex compound, making friends with stray cats that were fed by generous apartment residents. I installed broadband at home, bought stand and chair for work- my few investments at home. The good thing about Covid was making work from home an acceptable thing
When I pivoted into a different role for first time, projects started beyond Mumbai. It was a blessing for me because travel meant I could spend weekends at my hometown, thanks to recent flight connectivity that started to the capital. I started spending less time in Mumbai, visiting occasionally once every few months. I kept my home for 2-3 years as I could be called to office anytime at short notice. The rent was also not too high to burn a hole in my pocket
Mumbai, the city of dreams, was aptly a symbol of ambition for me. Somewhere I felt proud that I could stay alone in a city, fend for myself like an adult, teach myself maturity to handle things without asking for help. Mumbai also gave me space to think, observe noise and speed, clear up my head, cry out my heart when I didn’t feel good without being judged
Being alone gave me a lot of space and time. It was only because of Mumbai that I was able to start my blog and write regularly, despite having one of the most hectic jobs. My weekends would mostly go in having oil baths which I did weekly as a ritual without missing, washing clothes, catching up on sleep, going for a walk, watching content, and lately some writing
Covid time was eye opening for me. I would never have realized how good people can be. My landlady offered meals four times a day, treating me as her daughter. I have very few friends in life, and I really cherish some relationships which I think I can never return the favor this birth. One is the relationship with my parents, second is the time when my dad’s sister took care of me during measles, third is this time when my landlady assured that I am alive and healthy during Covid. I plan to pass it on by doing good deeds ahead
When I pivoted to a different role the second time, client related travel stopped. My teammates were outside Mumbai, mostly global. With a significant pay cut, rent as an expense started feeling unnecessary. Although vacating home wouldn’t save enough to compensate for the cut, I thought it is not good to waste resources if I don’t use them. Another young girl new to the city, starting her career could make this her home and get the warmth I received when I first came in
I was emotional when I decided to move out of Mumbai. I couldn’t cry in my hometown with my parents around. I could weep to my heart’s content when I came to Mumbai to shift out- perks of being alone. I had taken a 30-40% pay cut to move out of a role with a toxic boss. I couldn’t find alternate industry jobs, despite trying for 3-4 months actively and 12+ months passively. With work from home, it didn’t make economic sense to retain my place, so I decided to move out. I hardly used to be there for last 2-3 years since my projects were in Delhi and weekends were at my hometown. My mind was in favor of moving out, my heart not so. It meant giving up on my ambition, taking a step back in career, losing a bit of freedom and a leg in corporate world. I had somehow grown attached to the small room of mine
The only thing I owned was a chair I had bought with the allowance my office gave during Covid. It was functionally good, and I grew emotional attachment toward it. I decided to shift it although it cost almost same as resale value. I lived out of suitcases and all my other stuff fit into just a couple of suitcases which I could take on my own
This year we saw moving out of many places we have stayed for long and built memories. My uncle sold granddad’s home in Bangalore, something we had cherished our entire childhood. Mumbai was the place I have stayed second longest in my life, the city that made me brave, independent, ambitious, fast.
We had many downs this year too- my paternal aunt’s husband’s leukemia diagnosis, pause on our travel to be there for emergency for them, moving out of Bangalore and Mumbai, backstep in my career, continuing to be single (not sure if that is bad). I am mustering courage to be bold in the face of challenges, often unable to do that, breaking down. I am mature enough to cry my heart’s full, let the emotions out, and feel much better with that
Mumbai has become a part of my identity. Although I didn’t love Mumbai too much while living there with its association to painful work, I bid farewell to the city with a heavy heart, feeling somewhat like a loser. The train was moving backwards as it department, similar to my corporate life.
I am sure I will be back in the city for many things- work, interviews, family functions, airport layovers and many more events. Meanwhile, I will miss the street cats waiting for dinner, the night walks after 10 PM which relaxed my mind, the warmth of family that my landlord and landlady offered and the city that was home for me
My life might never be the same again. Mumbai has given me many good things- my first job, independence, good home. This is the place which saw my journey from a little girl to a responsible and courageous woman. I am consoling myself with the positives that I will be able to spend time with family, but I am scared somewhere that there might be a bigger plan by God, a reason he has foreseen. I am praying that it is nothing bad. God would have thought something better for me than my wishes
Hoping that I will settle in my hometown for a long time with stable job, something I couldn’t have imagined given few opportunities in Tier 3-4 towns in general. I did have a very good learning curve in the first 10 years of corporate life. With emerging grey hair, I also feel the need to slow down a bit, take less stress, live a good life with parents. Good part of current job is I don’t feel Monday morning blues. I sleep well, exercise, spend time at home with family and pets. Nothing more I could ask for actually it I keep pay cut aside. We are conditioned to equate money with success, something I am finding difficult to get out of. I will pray for a better future ahead.